Animal Mating Rituals

Bonobo Monkeys

The Bonobo Monkeys are very possibly the culmination of anyone who believes in reincarnation's hopes and dreams. Sex for a Bonobo is not unlike a smile for a human. Or a handshake, a wink or clearing your throat. Sex is used as a greeting, as a method of conflict resolution and to celebrate when food has been found.

They are the only species that's been observed having sex face to face besides humans, as well as enjoying a little bit of French kissing and oral sex. They also engage in the occasional same-sex wank job and lesbian adventure--even incest. If sex can't fix it, these monkeys don't want to hear about it.

Banana Slugs

These slugs have a few issues in life, not the least of which is that they look like the end result of stomach cramps brought on by a diet high in lentils and curry.

Another problem for the lowly slug is that the average eight-inch slug has an eight-inch penis, and when he first realizes this, he's probably pretty stoked. Then when he hears through the grapevine that his mate could potentially chew it off, the wind may be taken from his sails.

Because their penis could be the same size as their body, they need to find a mate who's the same size. If they happen to have an issue with depth perception, they won't properly fit and their special friend will gnaw on it like a NASCAR fan with a stick of jerky to solve the problem. The record holder for banana slugs had a penis five times the length of its own body, which we assume he just wrapped around his head to pretend it was a cool pompadour and sideburns when not in use.

Hippos

Like dinner at the Olive Garden, Hippos are disgusting. When the male hippo is pretty sure one of the ladies in his neck of the woods is ready to get down to business, he seduces her in a way that even the majority of Cracked staff have never engaged in, at least not more than once.

Like a sly poon hunter out at the bars, the hippo positions himself where his potential mate can see him. Then he shits himself. To be fair, he also pisses at the same time. Obviously that alone is hardly going to impress the discerning lady hippo (any jackass can shit himself), so to prove he's got the goods, the male will spin his tail like a shit-flinging propeller at the same time, spraying about stink and filth which will be, apparently, irresistible to some of the local women folk.

Dog Mating

Ethics of dog mating

There are various reasons why dog owners decide to become dog mating owners. Most dog breeders, however, are sincere dog lovers who are interested in having more pups from their well-loved dogs. However, there are those who decide to breed dogs because of financial reasons, mainly profit. While it really isn't bad to breed dogs with this in mind, the dog breeder must put the welfare of the dogs above any financial gain for the dog mating process. The dogs must not in any way be solely used for profit and enslaved to breeding duties without the corresponding proper love and attention that they need.

So, if you are not a dog lover and you are solely thinking of breeding dogs solely for profit, then you might want to reconsider and research for other methods of earning money. Moreover, dog welfare is protected in the first world countries, and if you are residing in one (even if you are not) be sure that the dogs are not neglected.

While there are ethical issues that are related to breeding and dog mating, there are also procedures that must be discussed to the new breeder.

The art of dog mating

Before you start mating dogs, it is advisable to pay your vet a visit. Have him examine your female dog (bitch) and get certification that she is good to mate. While you are the veterinarian, you might as well ask him for sound advice on how to start breeding your dog. He/she is in the best position to give you sound advice regarding this matter.

Second, get hold of a reliable breeder and make arrangements for a compatible dog for your bitch. Ask for certificates that will authenticate the claim(s) of the male dog's breed as well as proof of the dog's good health. Moreover, the mating process is best done in the place where the male dog resides rather than the reverse.

Third, your dog should mate only when she is biologically primed for mating - dog mating should always be performed at the most opportune moment. In addition, you should hold mating sessions for your dog during the 9th, 11th, and 13th days for it to be most productive. It is also recommended that the mating process between the bitch and the stud last for a good ten minutes. If the bitch refuses, aid in the mating process by trying to calm her down.

Finally, to check if the mating was successful you may visit the animal doctor a good three weeks after the mating of the dogs.

Animal Mating

When males mate so often that they risk sperm depletion, strategic allocation of sperm across multiple matings should be favoured. Recent studies have demonstrated that past mating history and predation risk can affect both male and female mating behaviour, but the interaction between these two factors has not been addressed explicitly. We allowed some socially dominant male rock shrimp, Rhynchocinetes typus (the robustus morph), to mate and prevented others from doing so. We then added them to an assemblage of individuals of mixed sex and social rank and gave them the opportunity to mate again in both the absence and the presence of predation risk. Recently mated males guarded females for significantly less time and they transferred significantly fewer spermatophores to these females than did unmated males. However, neither predation risk nor recent mating history affected the rate of spermatophore transfer, and there was no interaction between these variables. The results suggest that recently mated robustus males change their mating behaviour according to their perceived mating opportunities. The behaviour that we observed in robustus male R. typus is consistent with that of males of other species. Females and males are affected differently by mating history: with multiple matings, females become choosier and search for higher-quality mates, but males appear to conserve their reproductive resources to be able to increase mate quantity.